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If it seems too good to be true, it probably is

By Maria Sledmere

Romance scams always make me cry

my front teeth chipped from the cinnamon cookie

I can cry even more than babies can

I answer all my spams with beautiful missives that mourn

the impossibility of succulent & promised fortunes, dearest

I would like to disclose something important

a smashing welcome bonus, a sex trip with someone who weighs eight stone

but these people think my name really is Strawberry Bonfire, sometimes just Berry

from the Kingdom of Hotmail, socially engineered by the extra cash prize

of showing up to the noughties

through rivers of kohl, glitterbombed and milky

to fall in your booming arms

call me fungible

MARIA SLEDMERE is a lecturer in Creative Writing based in Glasgow. She has long been serenaded in pop songs and musicals.

Art by Izzy Fergusson


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